Let freedom never perish in your hands..

On a day in which heat waves hit Cleveland , raising the temperature up to 18 below freezing, from 36 below freezing; my car glided and slided, in and towards the general direction of Hillcrest Hospital, with me inside shivering and making the most un-human-like-cold-induced noises and with a reflective unintelligent(!?) smile to Lily Allen's smile.

The first thought that came to my mind was "O My Gawd i am a CHICKEN" and the second thought that came to mind was that of Chickens who are not free to roam and their lack of freedom and the eggs they lay which roam around freely in groups of six, twelve or twenty four, neatly stacked in paper or Styrofoam cases, to come near a supermarket store near you. I pitied the lack of freedom of the chickens and admired the freedom of eggs and on that note pressed the buzzer to pull me out of the scanner and on my way out i gave a finger to the discrete Fourier transforms waiting in the wings of the scanner to have yours truly for its breakfast scan. Yes, I buzzed myself out of the MRI scanner faster than i was moved into it by the radiologist. It was only a minute back i had smirked, in my mind, when she said "if you feel uncomfortable press this buzzer and let me know". But then i had no clue i will be pressing the buzzer this quick. It simply was unbearable, suffocating, felt as if i was trapped like inside a casket, it felt like vinnie in a bottle and vinnie wanted to get out of the bottle and vinnie pressed the buzzer. It was rather awkward once i was out. I took a deep breath and summoned up some courage, but did not say " I am ready". Miss Radiologist suggested she could cover my eyes with a towel and try it again, if it helps. I nodded in disagreement, but i guess she took it as a nod in agreement and i was on my way in to the scanner for the second time only this time with a cloth over my eyes. Not wanting to look any "un"cooler, praying to all the 33 million Hindu Gods and a generic prayer to all the other non-Hindu Gods and holding on to the buzzer tightly and with my eyes shut even tighter i began the gradual inward journey into the scanner, slowly, in my green Hillcrest gown.

A few minutes later when i realized i wasn't breathing i slowly and deliberately started to breathe and slowly and slightly when senses came back to me, i thanked miss radiologist for the towel over my eyes for it really did help.

Every second inside the scanner, felt like an eternity. Time seemed to move at snail's pace; Not the regular pace, but that of one in slow motion. To keep track of the time remaining, i started counting but lost count at some number after 42. To stave off panic attacks and keep my wondering wandering mind, engaged; i tried to think about several positive pleasant things in life but eventually the unpleasant thoughts took over. I thought about that Italian kid who fell through and was stuck in a manhole several tens of feet deep. he was eventually rescued after several hour of ordeal. I wondered what would have gone through his mind in those dire moments and the realistic magnitude of angst that he would have gone through hit me. ..prisoners in solitary confinement in small dark room, caged animals, caged birds, the images and thoughts flashed through my mind it all had a dark shade to it. I had never in my whole freakin life thought about animals in confinement and if or not they would yearn to be free. While inside the MRI scanner, I indeed developed some respect for PETA which is not to be confused with PITA.

I am not sure what my MRI would tell, but i can tell you for sure that i have a new found respect for life and everything it has to offer. My perspective on freedom has a whole new angle to it with respect for freedom and value of it increasing ad infinitum!